Trying for a lighter note

A blog I visit asked us to write something about here we lived. Here's what I wrote:


I am from Vidalia, GA. We have amazing weather here – hot or hotter, lovely huge hills of fire ants, sweet onions and sweet tea. We think that all y’all talk really funny and can’t give directions. Here’s an example of driving directions that you could expect to get from any local southern person....

Foreigner (otherwise known as Yankee), “Can you tell me how to get to the post office?”

Local (known as Aunt to everyone regardless of a blood relation), “Sure, sugar. You go to where the IGA used to be...”

At this point the Yankee will interrupt and say, “Sorry, I am new to the area. Is the IGA sign still there? What’s an IGA?”

[Side note: We don’t need to be told you’re not from here because we know it. You don’t talk right.]

Aunt, “Honey, the IGA sign is long gone. It’s hasn’t been around for a good 15 years. Mr. Mack’s hardware store is located there now. Don’t y’all have IGA where you come from?”

Yankee, “So, I am to look for a hardware store called Mr. Mack?”

Aunt, “Why would you do that? That’s not the store’s name.”

Yankee (getting a bit frustrated), “Can you tell me the street’s name?”

Aunt, “I don’t rightly know the name of the street but you go up this road a piece. Look for the big ole white house with a large magnolia in the yard located on the corner. It’s a right pretty Bed and Breakfast. The fire chief and his wife run the place.”

Yankee, “Turn there?”

Aunt, “No… pass it. Turn two roads up - next to where IGA used to be….”

BTW, that's a true story. And, here's another true story....

My dad loved the Sunday drive when we were growing up. One time, he started driving and driving.... We got severely lost. He finally saw this little old man sitting in a rocking chair on his porch and chewing tobacco. Dad stopped the car and asked,

"Can you tell me how to get to Franklin?"

The old man, "You talkin' Franklin, TN or Franklin, KY?"

Dad, "Franklin, TN."

Old Man, after thinking a while followed by spitting out a wad of tobacco , "That's a far piece from here."

Those were the instructions. Not another word. LOL

Dad finally said, "Well, can you point me in the direction that I should be driving?"