Things that I have learned ....

Things I’ve learned from conflicts in marriage!

1. Handle issues when they are small so that you don’t build an impermeable wall.

The ancient Israelites would fortify their cities by building unique walls. They would create a rock wall of about a foot wide and build another one about 6 or 7 feet away from it. Into that gap, they would throw rocks, garbage, and dirt to create a 9 foot wide wall. They used their garbage to construct large thick walls that their enemies would have a hard time breaking through.

Sometimes, we do this in our marriages. We are at an impasse so each of us builds a small wall. At this point we need to break through that wall; however, we often start throwing our garbage into the mix and soon we have a royal mess and cannot see anyway to tear the wall down.

Moral of this illustration: Handle the issues as they arise and do not allow them to fester and grow.

2. Be quick to apologize even when you *know* that you are right and he is wrong. A gentle response will help to defuse a volatile situation.

Have you ever had this conversation with a child who is fighting with a friend or sibling?

Parent, “Apologize.”
Kid, “But, I am not sorry. I am right! He is not being fair. He hurt me. He is wrong…”

Just like our children need to apologize, we need to practice the same instruction in our marriage. A simple, “Honey, I’m sorry,” can create an atmosphere where conversation can begin. Having a good relationship is more important than proving that I am right and he is wrong.

3. Listen with respect.

This is important because if you do not listen to and respect your spouse, he or she will find someone else who will.

4. Trust each other.

This one seems pretty reasonable yet often trust is lost in a relationship. I am not talking about infidelity but in other areas. All of us can make decisions that end up being horrible mistakes. When (not if) your spouse makes a bad choice, let it go. Don’t assume that he or she can no longer be trusted in that area.

5. Finally, remember that you love this person!