Thursday, August 11, 2011

August 11, 2011

Christi turns 31 today. While we know that she's alive, we have had no contact with her. This pain permeates me like a recklessly growing and deadly mold which has attacked not only the outside fa├žade of my life but has spread its ugliness to the innermost parts of my being. I thought, prayed, and hoped that by now our children would have desired contact with us. But instead, all we get is silence.

Unfortunately, this silence isn’t mute since it is filled with so much agony and struggle of the heart. This silence is my constant companion always sitting next to me taunting my cherished hope of reconciliation. I try to occupy my days with reading, studying, family, friends, and activity. However, eventually sleep must come and I have no control over my dreams. In those dreams, I often see my children and I will try to get to them. Yet, there is always an obstacle that prevents me from holding them or speaking to them. This obstacle used to be my father or mother but not with normal features. Instead, their faces often were so twisted that they appeared demonic in nature. The dreams have modified over the years. The obstacle usually doesn’t portray itself as a person but simply as evil incarnate. Perhaps, God is now controlling my dreams and reminding me of a truth found in Ephesians 6.

“For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places. Therefore, take up the full armor of God, so that you will be able to resist in the evil day, and having done everything, to stand firm.”

Stand Firm.

Today I will pray for God to protect the hearts and minds of my children from the spiritual forces of wickedness that would seek to destroy them. I pray that He will reveal the truth of Himself to them and that they will stand firm in Christ.

I will continue to pray that my father will seek Christ and find hope and forgiveness in Him. I pray that whatever demonic powers have invaded his heart will be eradicated by the power of the Holy Spirit.

I will also pray for me. I pray that God grants me peace and joy in a world that is not my home and continually reminds me of His great love and sovereignty in all things – both in the things that my physical eyes see and that my spiritual eyes hope to see. I will pray that I can Stand Firm.

My longing today is that my daughter will realize that she has a momma and daddy who dearly love her. I hope that God reveals His salvation to her and restores her to a family which has never ceased in praying for her and Bobby.

Christi, my darling girl, I wish you a happy birthday.

4 comments:

Cat's Creations said...

(((Debbie))), I'm so sorry. I will pray for you.

Anonymous said...

I am praying with you, dear friend. I hope your anguish is soon replaced with joy.

Love and hugs,
momster

Charmaine Tilly said...

I found your blog through an unsolved mysteries thread. I live in Castro Valley, California and was I intrigued by this case since it was local. How heartbreaking that your children have still not reached out to you, it breaks my heart. As a Christian I find your blog inspiring, hopefully your children have found it and will be curious to read about you. In the meantime, I pray that you find reconciliation with them. Charmaine Tilly

Anonymous said...

I read a bit of your bio. You state that your parents kidnapped your children. Can you explain this to me? I am also estranged from my children, and it is the most difficult thing I've had to endure throughout my whole life. Thank you.